Those looking for a thorough and instructive overview of Jungian Play Therapy and Sand Play should look no further than Dr. Eric J. Green's DVD Jungian Play Therapy and Sand Play with Children: Myth, Mandala, and Meaning. Having attended many workshops and training seminars on the subject, I must say this 80-minute video was as informative as any (and it didn't require any long-distance travel!). It delves into the theoretical mechanics of this nonverbal psychotherapy and illustrates the important techniques needed for strengthening emotional connections. The case demonstrations are well chosen and eye-opening, as children use myths, mandalas, and other expressive tools to reveal their psychological development. Dr. Green does an excellent job of conveying the true value and depth of this valuable healing tool. 

Unfortunately the video doesn't address every practitioner's burning question: Is it "Sandplay" one-word, or "Sand Play" two-words? But, still, I highly recommend it!

Our business is toys. More specifically, toys for play and child therapy. Surprisingly, there has been very little research done on which toys are best suited for child therapy. A recent study published in the International Journal of Play Therapy sought to determine which toys are most popular in child-centered play therapy. The researchers divided toys in the playroom into the following categories: Family/Nurturing, Expressive, Pretend/Fantasy, and Aggressive/Scary.  The most popular items in the Family/Nurturing category were the sandbox, sand tools, kitchen, and the sink. In the Expressive category arts/crafts, paint, water, and the easel were the most frequently used. The Puppet Theater was the item most often used in the Pretend/Fantasy category, along with hats, dress-up clothes, and the doctors kit. The bop bag was the most popular Aggressive/Scary toy. The other top items in this category included big aggressive animals, hammer, and a log.

We’re happy to say that all these items can be found at www.childtherapytoys.com. To read the entire article see the International Journal of Play Therapy, Vol 22(1), Jan 2013, 43-57, or purchase the PDF at http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pla/22/1/43.

Like may professionals these days, it seems School Counselors love to blog. Recently ASCA School Counselor magazine discussed blogging among school counselors. Here is their list of suggested blogs, all of which are great resources for educators, therapists, and other professionals...

DBS School Counselor

School Counseling By Heart

Elementary School Counseling

The Counseling Geek

Scrapbook of a School Counselor

Savvy School Counselor

And here's a comprehensive list of school counseling blogs on School Counselors' Online Professional Exchange.

 

-It's always nice to see play therapy practices popping up in more and more communities throughout the U.S.

-The Coastal Therapeutic Riding Center in Wilmington, North Carolina provides therapeutic horse riding for children (and adults) with special needs. This kind of intervention is becoming more and more popular thanks to practitioners such as Rise Van Fleet, who will be holding a four-day training seminar in August that you won't want to miss.

-Here are two videos that both provide a nice introduction to Sandtray Therapy. Click here for more Sandtray and Play Therapy videos.

-I'm willing to bet we've all been asked this question numerous times. This provides a nice, brief summary.

-Good news across the pond! The Play Therapy UK Register has been approved, providing people with a full list of accredited play therapists.

-New books are added every month at ChildTherapyToys.com! Books are shipped for free within the continental U.S. Also, did you know the sale of Moon Sand in the US is coming to an end? Luckily, we've found a "Made in the USA" substitute with the same characteristics, and at a better price. And don't forget to check what play therapy products are selling like hotcakes in the bestseller section.

-Interesting article on determining hand dominance in children. It's full of great facts; for example, identical twins often exhibit a difference in handedness. And is there a southpaw uprising going on?

-Here's another treasure trove of play therapy pdfs, many of which can also be found at our articles and resources site.

-There are some great training events on the horizon, including the National Conference on Girl Bullying at the end of June, and the 6th International Theraplay Conference in early July.

-Great question, great article. What do you think?

-A must-read for parents on children's ability to handle pressure.

Research Round-up!
-University of Iowa researchers are working on a wide-scale evaluation to support mental health prevention and intervention in Early Childhood. The program aims to teach parents and educators how to intervene early to prevent mental health issues later in the child's life.

-The Journal of Adolescent Health reports some bad news and some good news about teenage depression.

-This editorial argues that research suggesting the positive value of spanking children is misleading and that corporal punishment is in fact a very dangerous disciplinary techinque. Definitely worth a read. 

-After reading the gripping New Yorker article on Chris Kyle, the decorated veteran US Sniper and his murder at the hands of a fellow veteran suffering from PTSD, I went looking for recent research on the effects of trauma and found this article on patterns in gene activity among victims of child abuse. The American Psychological Association also offered these tips on managing traumatic stress following disasters and traumatic events.

-Some scientists are now looking at childhood education from an evolutionary perspective. Very interesting stuff for the Darwinian in you.

Have a joyful June!

This great technique comes from Christy Harris, LPCA. Christy received a gift certificate to childtherapytoys.com for her submission. (And so can you!)

Print the letters of the alphabet, in varying sizes & fonts, and glue each letter onto a different color construction paper. Each matted letter is then glued to a poster board. Lay the poster board on the floor and have children drop buttons (coins or tokens will work as well) on the letters. Whatever letter the button lands on, the child is asked to talk about something they like to do that starts with that letter. This is great as an ice breaker for beginning stages of therapy. During later sessions participants can be asked to identify a “coping skill,” “kind word,” or “action” that starts with the letter. I have used this technique during individual therapy, as well as groups of children ages 5-12. This technique is especially helpful for children who are resistant to talk or participate. Another feature of the letter board is that the letters spelling “control” are the largest letters on the board and all have the same color background, reinforcing the concept of control in a fun and subtle way. I chose control because I work with many children on anger management skills. Additional boards can be made that feature another keyword or skill.

-Here's yet another great collection of 15 play therapy articles, including a great one on Play Therapy in a school setting. (Check out even more articles on this topic at our resource page.)

-Remember the stress of cramming for four or more final exams at the end of every college semester? Students are now alleviating that stress through Play Therapy. This article discusses the ways in which playing with play-doh and other toys is helping them get through those frantic finals. It also mentions Nancy Schultz's essential 101 More Favorite Play Therapy Techniques.

-This article does a good job of expressing how Play Therapy can bring things out in a child that might not otherwise be revealed in traditional therapy. 

-PlayDrMom presents some cool sensory activities using water beads.

-Sand offers therapeutic possibilities for people of all ages! Here's an article on how expressive sand tray therapy can help adults with a variety of issues, particularly grief and trauma.

-If you only read one article this month, make it this one. It's an excellent NY Times piece on our unique capacity for play and the role that it has played in human evolution. What do you think of the "Blickets" game?

-Have you been looking for a new game to add to your play room? Or is your copy of The Social and Emotional Competence Game worn out from overuse? One of our most popular items is now back in stock!

-For parents, striking a balance between too much praise and too little praise is very difficult. This article in the Wall Street Journal suggests that while high self-esteem is important, so is a dose of realism: "High self-esteem is partly the result of good performance, rather than the cause. Inflating kids' self-esteem too much can backfire, making them feel worse later on when they hit setbacks." 

-A recently published (and humorously titled) book for teens addresses the difficulties of teens coping with a parent's cancer.

-Lots of great training opportunities are popping up for this summer, including the third annual Play Therapy Institute conference at Johns Hopkins University, and the National Conference on Innovative Counseling Skills and Strategies in Atlanta. Check out our regularly updated list at our resources site for more.

-Interesting article in the Washington Post on a return to a stricter era and teaching self-control in schools.

-Meet Shane Koyczan. He’s the one who wrote the poem “To This Day” that was crowd-source animated and then went super viral a few weeks ago.

-I came across two great articles on Autism this month: one about management, and the other about the huge leaps we've made in our knowledge and cultural awareness of the disorder. These articles brought to mind the video "My name is David", in which a 14-year-old autistic youth explains his disorder.

-This month I found myself revisiting a great book from 2011 called "Play in Clinical Practices: Evidence Based Approaches". It's a very comprehensive text discussing a wide variety of approaches to various issues and diagnoses. A great addition to any play therapist's book shelf.

Feel free to let me know in the comment section if I missed anything! Have a lovely month of May!

When was the last time you flipped through the Yellow Pages? A decade? More? These days, if someone is in need of a particular service, their first move is often straight to the internet. As many therapists are now aware, this most certainly extends to their practice, and having an alluring and effective website is more important than ever. Since people no longer have to settle for the scant information provided in a phonebook, the information, functionality, and presentation of a practitioner’s website has become crucial to attracting new clients and maintaining a strong client base.

Of course, the idea of creating and keeping up with a website can seem quite daunting. And, indeed, developing an exceptional one is no easy task. Luckily, however, there's TherapySites.com, which provides the excellent and affordable service of doing all the hard stuff for you, helping you launch and maintain a site that attracts as many potential clients as possible, and lends your practice the credibility it deserves. The features offered can also make a huge difference in the efficiency of how your office is run. They deliver credit card processing, appointment requests, search engine optimization, and more. Does having all new patient paperwork completed before they arrive sound good to you? I must say I find it pretty appealing, and certainly the patient would be appreciative as well.

Right now, ChildTherapyToys.com has arranged a very SPECIAL deal with TherapySites that allows for a one-month free trial for anyone who wants to check it out. All you have to do is enter the following promo code: promoCTT.

ChildTherapyToys.com has also partnered with TherapySites to bring you a FREE educational webinar that will teach you how to better market your services online and make more money with your website. Register now!

The truth is, the internet has made competition fierce, and an informative, versatile and effective website can make all the difference to a person in need of service they can trust. Here are a couple of articles from TherapySites that detail what they can do for your practice, and why it's so important that it be done:  

Websites for Therapists - Why You Need a Website

How To Bring Your Therapy Practice Into the 21st Century 

-An interesting and inspiring article on Art and Play Therapy in the Philippines. Makes me feel like I should do more volunteer work.

-I just discovered this great blog for parents and therapists. It's full of great suggestions for activities and interventions, including a lot of sand tray ideas.

-Speaking of great blogs, we've really been enjoying this one, as well. Here's a great post on teaching forgiveness through sandtray therapy!

-Humans aren't the only creatures who benefit from play. Here are some tips for raising a happier, feistier feline through play therapy. (My advice would be to resist the urge to try sand tray therapy with your cat, however--I just can't see that ending well.)

-Having trouble adjusting to the new CPT billing codes? Here's a handy guide from the Association for Play Therapy that should clear things up.

-A recent workshop in Rochester, NY took a look at the power of play therapy in treating children of parents with substance abuse issues. The presenters revealed some startling statistics, as well as some inspiring stories. This is a talk I'm sorry to have missed. I'll have to start pay more attention to the upcoming events page at MyPlayTherapyPage.com.

-Colorado Play Therapy posted this helpful article on handling the "terrible twos" and helping toddlers express themselves. Check out more articles on toddlers and play therapy at our articles and resources site.

-Here's a great list of play and child therapy articles, including one about explaining play therapy to parents.

-ChildTherapyToys added over 200 new books to our selection this year!

Research Roundup!
-Recently-conducted research suggests that children of parents active in the military are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

-Low-income children who move multiple times in early childhood have been found to be more likely to have behavioral issues.

-The debate has been going on for well over a decade, but recent research done by Iowa State University has connected video games and delinquency and criminal behavior.

-A study finds that suicidal thoughts are more common in autistic children. Here's a very useful resource on assessing and reducing suicidal risk.

-And here's your neuroscience breakthrough of the month!

And I'll leave you with some classic Schultz to start your April off right. It's not quite as simple as this. Or is it?

This submission comes from Tammi Van Hollander, LCSW, RPT. MA. Tammi received a gift certificate to childtherapytoys.com for her submission. (And so can you!)

Mancala Feeling Stones

Tammi Van Hollander, LCSW, RPT

Recommended Age Range: 5 to Sixteen
Treatment Modality: Individual or family

Goals:
-Increase feelings vocabulary
-Expand therapeutic dialogue about the issues that matter most to the child
-Help child regulate their feelings
-Provide an understanding of empathy
-Link feelings to actions and how others perceive certain behaviors.

Materials:
-Mancala Game

Description:
Have the child sort the colors of stones into piles. The sorting of stones is a calming and organizing ritual of this activity. The child identifies a feeling with each stone color. For example, they may choose red to be angry. The child picks up the red stone and says, “I’m angry when my mother yells at me.” The adult then says, “Can you put the number of stones in the hole for how angry
you get when this happens?” The child may put three or four stones in the hole. Sticking with the angry feelings the adult can ask of a time when they were just a little angry and one stone would represent their anger or a time when they were so angry that all the red stones would be used. A child who is really, really excited for their birthday party may fill the hole with yellow stones. A child who was frustrated with their homework but not super frustrated may put three stones in the hole. They decide. The adult then puts in the opposing side how many stones they thought the child felt. For example, a parent may have thought their child was really mad when they became explosive and it was frightening to them, but the child may have seen the incident not quite as serious. The parent can say, “When you kick and hit, it is not safe, so it looks like you are really, really mad.” The worry hole can be used the same way but can also be used in another manner. The child can name each worry they may have for the day. Each stone represents a worry as they place it in the hole. When the day is over, they revisit the stones and they remove each stone one by one for each worry that did not come true that day. What happens is, most worries do not come true
and the hole is emptied.

Discussion:
Mancala is said to be one of the oldest games in the world dating back to 1400BC. Most children enjoy this game and find it quite empowering and calming.

The activity can also be used in parent-child sessions, with families, problem solving with siblings, guidance counselors, OTs and other professionals. For example, the child may put one stone in the hole for a situation where the parent thought the child was very angry. The practitioner can then ask the parent how many stones they thought it looked like when they witnessed the event. The different perspectives can then be discussed and each members’ feelings validated.

About the Author:
Tammi Van Hollander, LCSW, RPT, is a licensed clinical social worker and Registered Play Therapist who has worked with children and families since 1990. She has presented numerous workshops throughout the nation on play therapy and sand tray therapy to teachers, parents, students and clinicians. She currently practices at the Center for Psychological Services in Ardmore, Pennsylvania, specializing in young children, trauma, anxiety, ADHD and sensory processing disorder.

Here's another great article from Alessandra Longo, LMSW, MA. For this submission, a $100 gift certificate to childtherapytoys.com will be given to a public agency or program of Alessandra's choice.

Kevin was an energetic toddler; he entered the classroom not really knowing where he was in space. I remember him flinging himself hard onto the floor, into objects, running laps around the classroom and not responding to his name. Toddlers are normally in their own egocentric space but we all agreed something was different about this child. He had an otherworldly quality that made it seem as though he was not interested in establishing any relationships with teachers or peers. I was faced with the challenge of developing a therapeutic relationship with a child within a preschool setting.

The agency where I work assists toddlers through the separation process from parents and caretakers. This child did not have an exceptionally hard time leaving his mother. Few children at this age play with peers but most seek out interaction with adults in the classroom. My client was not really noticing anyone. He had a very difficult time focusing on anything and a lot of the day was spent trying to get him to stop running in circles or keeping him out of the closet. It was evident that Kevin needed extra attention and I became invested in responding to his specific needs. As the year went on we developed a very strong bond fraught with highs and lows.

Kevin is 3 years old. He is bilingual and in the beginning of the year favored Japanese over English. Early in our relationship he would emphatically tell me things in a stream of Japanese, especially when he was angry. He showed clear frustration when I did not understand. There came a point when he became extremely agitated with the difficulty of communicating through language and he began to hit. This would mainly happen when he would get hurt or drop something. These were all situations where he did not feel a sense of control. I was his safest object in the classroom and therefore also experienced the rage. If someone else reprimanded him he would be sure to find me somewhere in the classroom and hit me. I tried to stay calm and consistent in my response to physical aggression and as his English developed further his hitting disappeared. All of these issues of control and attachment naturally pushed my thinking into the realm of psychodynamics with this child.

My client began potty training midyear. During this time his desire for control really became magnified. In the playroom next to the classroom we had a basket of plastic balls that the children liked to throw around. One day my client suddenly decided he hated the playroom and would become hysterical each time we entered. He would desperately grab his shoes and try to put them on so he could leave. When I asked him what was wrong he initially wouldn’t say but finally identified the problem as the balls getting stuck under the play structure. He wanted them in the basket and put away in an orderly fashion. The mess was unmanageable. During this time he also had an obsession with making sure the closet door was closed, the cabinets were all shut with locks fastened and no puzzle pieces were missing.

This desperate seeking of order at school seemed like a direct reflection of his inner conflicts. He was experiencing incomplete control of his bowels and this anxiety appeared to be manifesting itself in daily activities. Blum and Blum (1990) discuss the turmoil of the toddler during this phase of establishing autonomy and separateness in the world. I felt this article applied to Kevin because he had a dawning awareness of being his own person but also realized that person still needed a lot of help from adults tofunction in the world. The realization of not having complete control over one’s self can be highly frustrating and it did not surprise me that this manifested in the classroom. His mother told me he came home and said, “I went pee-pee on the potty with Alessandra.” This did not actually happen. It was a fantasy where he seemed to be working through his bowel control issues. It also informed me that he considered me a safe person to help him through this anxiety, even if it was just in fantasy. He also loved looking at the toilets, especially if another child was using it. Whenever I would attempt to actually take him to the bathroom he would insist that he didn’t have to go.

Clearly, Kevin and I did not sit down and talk about goals in such blunt language. In essence he was a “mandated” client and was going to stay in the classroom all year even if he didn’t want to. A goal that was beneficial to us both was to establish a secure attachment. His mother would not be in the room so I hoped for him to come to trust me. A hopeful side effect of this would be his ability to explore the classroom freely. Another big goal was to help him through his anxiety in the playroom. The agency and I were largely responsible for setting these goals. Kevin made his opinion clear in the way only a toddler can. De Cooke and Brownell (1995) discuss young children’s tendency to seek out help when they desire to “master” a challenge. The cues I got from Kevin were not always verbal. When he was at the pinnacle of anxiety and unable to verbalize what he wanted he was able to take me by the hand and point out the troubling situation. This is how I discovered the plastic balls getting stuck to be the cause of his distress. He also had a strong opinion about me being his attachment object, which I will discuss further.

His anxiety lessened considerably in the playroom as he progressed in potty training. Even though his joy was rekindled and the balls no longer frustrated him he would still tell me he was “very sick” and that he “hated the playground” before we entered the playroom. He would then either crawl into my lap or motion for me to pick him up. I don’t think it was coincidental that he would seek physical contact whenever this topic was broached. The stress of the incident was clearly imprinted in his mind. I think it may have been a comfort to verbally work through the residual feelings in close proximity to me. I would usually say to him, “You feel sick? What hurts? What part of you is sick?” or some variation on the theme. At first he would only say, “I don’t know” or “I am not sure.” One day his answered changed. He shook his head adamantly and insisted, “I am very very sick…Alessandra, when I am sleeping I miss you!” A few weeks later it hit me that this was not just a very sweet thing to say. I was working with a child desperately seeking order in his newly, somewhat, independent life. In his statement I heard echoes of the original themes that caused such angst. Where does the poop go? Where do the balls go? Where does Alessandra go? Why does she belong at school but not at my house? Later on the answer evolved into, “I miss you. I do not like sleeping.” Sleep is another common power struggle for toddlers. It felt like a logical addition to the equation. He seemed to be saying, “I do not get to control when I see you. I do not get to control when I sleep or what I think about when I am sleeping.” It appeared as though verbalization and exploration of categorizing helped him resolve some inner conflict and therefore meet our shared goals.

Play therapy was a wonderful aid in establishing a secure attachment and client directed relationship. I was also able to explore his positive transference towards me. I found his anxiety was lessened through working on ego functions, specifically reality testing and affect regulation. If I were working with adults in the context of psychodynamics then the method would be talk therapy. Through talk, adults establish rapport with therapists. Children do the same thing but in their language, which is, play. When Kevin became highly anxious it was a struggle not to absorb that anxiety. I would find myself getting lost in his feelings and wanting to “make it better”. This did not work and I eventually figured out that giving him space to experience his feelings (whatever they were) and then exploring his ego functioning afterwards was far more effective.

As mentioned before, this child was challenging to connect with in the beginning. He seemed to be functioning on another plane. Axline (1974) is adamant about letting the child lead the therapist into his world and not the other way around. If the therapist is too directive and makes various demands on the child, the relationship may be compromised. In the beginning of our relationship I would make too many demands on him. I insisted he sit for art projects or participate in circle time. It was not working and didn’t feel right. At this point rapport was nonexistent. I had him pegged as the stubborn, resistant one but in reality I was the one not listening. He didn’t like art but he loved trains. His favorite activity was building train tracks on the floor and running the wooden cars along the tops of the bookshelves so they were at eye level. Once I truly accepted that this was where my client was and he was doing exactly what he needed to be doing our relationship blossomed. Instead of resisting him I joined him and began to build train tracks alongside him, even if everyone else was at art. If he wanted to dance at circle time I complimented his dance moves and didn’t pull him onto the carpet. Slowly, he began to notice me.

Attachment is an extremely important part of a toddler’s life. From what I observed Kevin’s mother was extremely attentive to his needs and was able to share experiences with him. Holmes (1993) wrote a comprehensive article illustrating how a healthy therapeutic relationship shares many of the same elements of attachment theory. When I played with Kevin I tried to be mindful of his needs, as I had seen his mother doing. She set clear boundaries with him and allowed him to explore the world while remaining a comforting presence to return to. Through play my relationship with Kevin began to mirror the one he had with his mother. Over time I was able to recognize when he needed independence (getting puzzles from the shelf, climbing the play structure, and self soothing when he got physically hurt). Then there were other times when he needed my support (holding my hand in the hall, working through his quest for order and identifying unknown objects in the classroom). Once the boundaries of our relationship were clear and my behavior became predictable he was able to use me as a tool to explore the classroom more fully.

Bowlby (1988) noticed that children have an internal sense of who to go to for comfort. When the main attachment figure leaves the room a child will seek out another person who they believe will offer comfort. Bowlby’s theory is in keeping with the previous paragraph. I received much of Kevin’s mother transference since I was his second choice and replacement in the classroom. Children at this age are appropriately egocentric. It is very difficult for toddlers to understand that people do not all have the same needs and wants at the same time. Lyons-Ruth (1999) mentions the phrase “decoding another's subjective reality” (p. 583). This refers to parent’s initial attempts to figuring out what their infant is trying to tell them through nonverbal communications. When an infant cries there is no definite way to know exactly what they are saying. Parents are constantly trying out solutions that will fit. Lyons-Ruth (1999) believes this trial and error and acknowledgement of not being able to read the child’s mind is an integral part of “coherent communication” (p. 583). Kevin exhibited a behavior that I assumed stemmed from these types of early developmental interactions with his mother that went hand in hand with the fact that he was not fully individuated from her. On multiple occasions Kevin would say things such as, “Alessandra, you don’t like this book at all” or “Alessandria doesn’t like John” (another child in the class). These types of statements embody a toddler’s egocentrism or inability to see others as independent thinkers. It also reminded me of what Lyons-Ruth discussed because before a child is verbal parents are constantly trying to guess at the child’s needs. The chance of guessing right is probably much higher if the parent is more attuned to the child. This may appear as a sort of omniscience to the toddler. If parents seem to know what is going on in a child’s head it may appear to offer support of all thoughts being the same. Also, children this young are just realizing the fact that they do not share the same body or mind as mother. Since he had mother transference feelings towards me it makes sense that it would be extremely difficult to tell where his thoughts ended and mine began. Whenever he made these statements I would acknowledge the fact that he was thinking about me but would also inform him of my true opinion. I would also tell him things like “people like different things” or “you may not like the book but I do.” Through our attachment bond I was able to test and expand his reality in small ways as well.

When Kevin first got upset about the balls all over the playroom I would try to soothe him by giving him a hug or other physical contact. This made him more agitated and he would lash out. I was at a loss of what to do. This incident repeated itself a few times. Eventually I remembered a case illustrated by Lenore Terr (2008). A child went into a hysterical tantrum in Terr’s office and nothing Terr could say or do would ease the child. Eventually, she stopped trying to talk the child down and went about her office tasks. Terr’s calm tolerance of her client’s emotions sent a message of unconditional acceptance. The next time Kevin melted into hysterics I sat a moderate distance away and told him I would be there if he needed my help and said nothing else. Ultimately, he tired himself out. He walked over to me and asked to go look at cars out the window in the classroom next door. I agreed. While we looked out the window he said, “Mommy is in an airplane, Mommy is in a car, Mommy is at the store.” Since he couldn’t see Mommy anymore it was a mysterious to where she had gone (Piaget 1954). In addition to unstable object permanence this statement came juxtaposed to the ball upset. It felt like just one more thing Kevin could not control. Since he had calmed down I figured it would be a safe time to question his reality a little further. I asked, “Do airplanes fly in the sky?” He nodded. “Is Mommy in the sky?” He thought for a minute and then said, “No! Mommy is not in the sky.” I reassured him that mommies always come back and didn’t his mommy always pick him up from school? He visibly relaxed after processing the familiar fact that Mommy did indeed pick him up everyday. It’s possible he had troublesome memories of his mother going on an airplane trip in his very brief past but I didn’t think it was the time to probe that deeply. I got the sense that the residual feelings from his intense upset caused his reality to become very chaotic and unmanageable for a brief amount of time. I wanted to help him see what was really happening in the outside world and not let the stress of his internal world make him doubt that.

Kevin displayed a desire for order and knowing things were in their proper place. In the classroom he would check the latches on the cupboards and close the closet doors before entering the playroom. These ceremonies paid homage to the order he so desperately sought. The world is a big place and small children cannot control all aspects so they construct rituals that are meaningful (and controllable) in order to become centered amidst the chaos (Feygin, Swain & Leckman 2006). Sometimes these rituals are not enough to ease the stress loss of control brings on. When the stress becomes too much children have an incredibly hard time regulating their affect. Their emotions get away from them. An incident that followed was similar to the previous scenario where Kevin struggled with object permanence and distorted reality. After we had looked at cars together I went over to drink from my water bottle. Kevin noticed and asked, “What are you eating, Alessandra?” We both noticed the mistake and laughed. Before this he was pretty calm, definitely not happy but managing. I was delighted to see him laugh and seized the moment to engage in some verbal world play. Johnson and Mervis (1997) explored humor development in children under 3 and would identify this type of verbal humor as “incongruent label jokes” (p. 190). Here children call things the wrong name but know what it is really called. I am unsure if Kevin labeled my drinking as eating on purpose or not but it then developed into a game that allowed for a lot of shared joy. I answered with, “Kevin! I am not eating! I am drinking…Why are you sleeping??” He laughed wholeheartedly and then said, “Alessandra! I am not sleeping! I am standing!” We went back and forth for a bit and when I assumed he was truly happy I took a risk and said, “Kevin, why are you crying?” I was afraid this would set him off since he had been in hysterics not too long ago. It happily had the opposite effect. He laughed again and said, “Alessandra! I am not crying. I am laughing!” Through play and humor his affect became regulated. The fact that he picked up the game so quickly and enthusiastically made me hopeful that he could carry the memory with him next time he was upset. This is clearly not something that happens overnight but if I could provide tools to help regulate his emotions, even after a huge upset, perhaps the lows would not be so overwhelming and scary. There is something comforting about knowing a way out of emotional turmoil.

The language barrier was an obstacle in the beginning of the year when Kevin would express himself only in Japanese. This was the time he began to hit out of frustration. As the year went on he began to master both languages. At times he will say things in Japanese to me. This has turned into a running joke as well. When he does this I will say jokingly, “Kevin, I still don’t speak Japanese!” Then I will throw my hands up in mock desperation, which he finds funny. This enables us to share a laugh. But I believe that it might also be a way of Kevin working through his original stress of not being able to communicate with me. Only now that he has the mastery of two languages can he make a joke out of it. It reminds me of children who master potty training and then enjoy potty humor. A previously stressful situation suddenly turns hilarious once conquered.

Working with this child gifted me many takeaways for future work. We were capable of establishing a strong therapeutic bond within the classroom setting. Once I was able to put aside my own anxieties and expectations, Kevin was free to truly ask for what he needed to flourish. Play became our shared language and allowed me to join in on the inner workings of his developmental challenges. It was gratifying to see how much progress Kevin was able to make once he began directing the play and I began following his lead. Arriving at this place of acceptance permitted me to wholeheartedly experience shared joy with my client.

References:

Axline, V. M. (1974). Play therapy. New York, NY: Ballantine Books .

Blum, H. & Blum, E. (1990). The development of autonomy and superego precursors.

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